#1 Thinking Before Speaking
This is an easy but often difficult tip. For example, sometimes we need to say a lot to get our message across. But in reality if getting that message across can lead to raising our voice, getting upset and more.
In the heat of the moment, It’s easy to say something we’ll later regret too.
Take a few moments to collect your thoughts. Neither your or someone else “has to fill the air” just because. Pacing and controlling the conversation (even just your side) can help keep each other from getting extra heated an so on. It also allows others to think before reacting.
#2 Get Some Exercise
I’m sure you’ve heard it said to either yourself or someone else, “go take a walk”, or “go collect your thoughts and come back when you’re ready..”, etc.
Physical exercise can help in so many ways.
- It allows the body to calm down by burning off steam.
- It can help calm the mind down.
- It’s not only healthy overall for your body & mind.
If the weather isn’t right, you can stay home and burn off some steam. Try jumping jacks, walking up/down the stairs, pacing around the room, push-up’s, anything that can get you moving to burn off steam.
#3 Journal Your Experiences To Respond Less Next Time
This is one of the most underappreciated tips but can be the most powerful. Learning about ourselves and what we do in heated moments can solve for the future.
Understanding our thoughts, our reactions to how we act in the moment, accepting the consequences of our actions, and preparing for the next time a heated situation arises. Learning these things about ourselves can have monumental impact for the greater good to where we don’t have anymore anger, or even just a little.
There is a free app on both app stores that help with this called Stew: Anger & Emotions Journal. This app has helped 1000’s of others learn about their anger, apply challenges to help better themselves for if & when a heated situation arises they’ll be better prepared on handling it in a more non-angered way.
Stew: Anger & Emotions Journal App
#4 Use “I” Statements
First & foremost our anger is not someone else’s fault, it’s only our own doing.
“It’s not the things that upset us, it’s our judgements of those things.”~ Epictetus
It’s best to use “i” statements when defining a problem. One example would be “i’m upset that you didn’t take out the trash” vs external blame like “you never do any of the housework”.
When we start to look at ourselves we understand that we have standards, and when those standards are being attacked we tend to get defensive and throw blame for something bigger than the smaller issue at hand.
#5 Practice Relaxation Calming Skills
You’re angry, you’re heated, you’re on fire. None of this is good for the body. Your body is tense, it’s time to relax it back into a calm state. Here are a few actionable ideas to help the body relax:
- Deep Breathing (Example: Inhale 4 secs, hold 2 secs, release for 6 secs. Repeat 4x)
- Exercise (run, walk, work out, etc)
- Calming Words / Affirmations (“It’s going to be ok”, “take it easy”, etc)